my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
