I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting married
To pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
