There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
