Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
