When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
