if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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