She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
