you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
