Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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