Betty ford says i'm here all night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
