I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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