I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
