He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
