you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
