its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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