Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
