I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
