I think I won the penis lottery.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
