Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
