he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will be naked everywhere
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
