when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
