His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
