New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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