How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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