you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
