I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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