If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
