I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
