Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
