her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
