But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
