I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
