And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
