i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
