stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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