i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
