i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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