the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
