I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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