I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
