you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
worst night to have a conscience
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She bit a glass in half.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
