so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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