her vagine was all disorganized.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
