So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
