the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
two words: eviction party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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