I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
