i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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