We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
