Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
