I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
